I’ve never posted anything besides a review on this blog, but I’m more than just an amateur film critic, dear reader – I’m a human being, too. I have dreams and desires. And plans. Plans for the Academy Awards this Sunday!
Although I’m not an indiscriminate fan of the film industry – I’ve got problems with the MPAA and the current trend for films to be painfully unoriginal, to name a few – I do make it a habit to watch the Oscars every year. It’s kind of my Super Bowl, not being into sports and all.
I usually have a few people over and we play an Oscars drinking game. Every year since I started doing this (2008), I’ve managed to catch at least all of the Best Picture nominees prior to the awards show (the exception being last year when I missed three of them – The Kids Are All Right, True Grit, and Winter’s Bone).
This year, all of those traditions were in jeopardy. I no longer live at my own place, I’ve yet to see four of the Best Picture noms, and, much to my surprise, Google couldn’t provide me with a single Oscars drinking game for the show this year.
But James A. Janisse, Analytic Critic, is no quitter. No siree.
I made accommodations as far as my living arrangements go so that I can still have some peeps over, I’m devoting the next four days to catching up on Oscar fare, and I’ve decided that I’m experienced enough in this whole “Oscar Drinking Game” situation that I can make my own.
So come here on Sunday and join me as I live-blog the Oscars. The live-blogging will get progressively more awesome as I continuously succumb to the first-ever Official JAJ Oscars Drinking Game (2012). I’m posting my unGodly creation below so that you can join me in this inebriating affair. See you on Sunday!
The Official JAJ Oscars Drinking Game (2012)
- Take 1 drink any time…
- …someone mentions Uggy the dog.
- …someone makes a (liberal) political statement.
- …someone mentions Whitney Houston.
- …someone says “Wow” during their acceptance speech (1 drink per “wow”)
- …the camera cuts to Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie
- Take 2 drinks any time…
- …someone thanks God in their acceptance speech.
- …someone says “Scorsese”.
- …someone says something that gets censored.
- …a muppet appears onscreen.
- …Billy Crystal makes reference to his hosting experiences in the past.
- Take 3 drinks any time…
- …someone’s acceptance speech gets interrupted by the orchestra playing them off.
- …someone makes a (conservative) political statement.
- …someone makes a reference to The Tree of Life being weird, experimental, pretentious, etc.
- …there’s a mention of Michael Fassbender getting screwed over in these awards.
- …there’s a reference to Twilight.
And the part of the game that will really test your resilience:
For every award being given, before the winner is announced, say:
1.) Which nominee you want to win
2.) Which nominee you expect to win
- If the winner is the nominee you want to win, congratulations! Take 1 drink!
- If the winner is the nominee you expect to win, you’re so smart! Take 2 drinks!
- If the winner is a nominee you neither wanted or expected to win, learn from your mistakes! Take 3 drinks!
- If the winner is the nominee that you both wanted and expected to win, nice job! GIVE 3 drinks out to someone else! (suggestion by Reddit user ajcfood)
Good luck on Sunday to all the Oscar nominees, and good luck to all of our livers!
–James A. Janisse