Live Blogging the 2012 Oscars

Final tallies:

  • The Artist: 10 nominations, 5 wins (Best Costume Design, Best Original Score, Best Actor [Jean Dujardin], Best Director [Michel Hazanavicius], and Best Picture)
  • Hugo: 11 nominations, 5 wins (Best Visual Effects, Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography, Best Sound Editing, and Best Sound Mixing)
  • The Iron Lady: 2 nominations and 2 wins (Best Makeup and Best Actress [Meryl Streep])
  • Nobody else won more than one award! Egalitarianism ftw!

Thanks for joining my buzzed ass for these awards! Tons of fun was had, hope to be back next year!!

11:36pm: The Artist takes best picture, folks. And Uggie’s there to celebrate, decked out in a bowtie and everything.

11:33pm: TIME FOR THE BIG ONE! LET’S GO…. uh… I actually don’t feel too strongly about any one movie in this category, but The Artist is probably going to win?

11:29pm: And the best actress (period) gets the Best Actress Oscar. Meryl Streep wins for The Iron Lady, because it always pays to play a historical figure… and it always pays to be fucking Meryl Streep.

11:25pm: Best Actress might be the closest competition out of all the awards. I’m rooting for Rooney just because I have a biased love affair with GWTDT, but all of them are amazing.

11:22pm: Haha, that latest Roman-era J.C. Penney’s commercial with Ellen is the best one yet! Fuck off, One Million Moms!

11:20pm: I’m doubling down on my happiness for Jean Duhardin after that fucking acceptance speech. Just so much happiness!

11:14pm: Natalie Portman presents the Best Actor award this year. I love all the nominees, but I’m happy with Jean Dujardin winning. Gary Oldman, you still deserve one soon, man.

10:59pm: Aw, only three awards left – Best Picture and the two Best Acting awards. Thought this was supposed to go until midnight. Kinda glad it’s not.

10:57pm: That footage of James Earl Jones recording Mustafa’s voice is some awesome shit.

10:53pm: Michel Hazanavicius wins Best Director for The Artist, and makes me want to learn the French language. Also, Uggie reference! Drink!

10:48pm: All the little guy awards have been handed out. Time for the big wigs. The fat cats. The Charleston Chews.

10:44pm: Did Ellie Kemper (Erin from The Office) just present an award? I think she did. It was Best Animated Short, which went to Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

10:42pm: Best Documentary Short goes to Saving Face.

10:41pm: Yeah! They’re playing too!

10:40pm: Best Live Action Short goes to The Shore.

10:39pm: I haven’t seen ANY shorts, so I shall report on the winnings without comment.

10:38pm: Man, The Tree of Life isn’t going to win Best Director or Best Picture, so it’s not going to win anything tonight. That angers me. HOW DID IT NOT WIN BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY?! THAT MOVIE WAS CINEMATOGRAPHY!

10:36pm: How’s everyone doing? With the drinking? 5 beers in? Cause that’s where I’m at.

10:30pm: Woody Allen wins for Best Original Screenplay for Midnight in Paris. Allen wasn’t present at the ceremony – despite all of his nominations, he’s only been present once, in 2002, to tell Hollywood to keep making movies after 9/11.

10:29pm: Dude, what’s wrong with Angelina Jolie’s arms?! WHERE ARE THE REST OF THEM?!

10:27pm: YES! DEAN PELTON HAS AN OSCAR UP IN THIS BITCH! (The Descendants wins for “Best Adapted Screenplay”)

10:24pm: Billy Crystal is like “we’re all rich as hell.”

10:18pm: Yes!! Bret! I’m so happy for you! A little awkward that the camera cut to Jason Segel and Bret didn’t thank him, but whatever! Flight of the Conchords!

10:16pm: I can dig on Ludovic Bource. He has a lot of love to give.

10:13pm: I’ve heard a LOT of great scores this year. I loved Hugo‘s, but I’m hoping The Artist takes it… but, full disclosure, I’ve yet to see Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy or Tin Tin. OH BUT THE ARTIST takes it!!!

10:10pm: First bit of Uggie. I’m surprised he hasn’t been running around all over the god damn stage tonight.

10:06pm: Only 5 little guy awards left to present, and I just learned that one of them (Best Original Song) could go to Bret from Flight of the Conchords! Yeah! Get it, Bret!

10:03pm: Plummer’s speech went on for a while, but are you going to play Christopher Plummer off the stage? No, you’re god damn not.

10:01pm: And at 82 years old, Christopher Plummer becomes the oldest actor ever to win an Oscar for his role in Beginners, which I’ve yet to see. And apparently he’s only 2 years younger than the Oscars themselves. Glad he could get this recognition, very classy acceptance speech.

9:58pm: Haha, the two people I’m with tonight were both at my Oscarfest last year, and one of them is reminiscing about how Melissa Leo’s drink put her over the edge.

9:56pm: I was expecting Rise of the Planet of the Apes to get Best Visual Effects, but I should have known: Hugo takes home its fifth Oscar tonight.

9:53pm: That’s another pair of presenters where the woman is taller than the man (Emma Stone/Ben Stiller right now, Gwyneth Paltrow/RDJ earlier). No like… comment to make about that. Just an observation.

9:50pm: Hey this live blogging this is going all right, right? Right! Also there’s a ton of drinking ahead still.

9:47pm: Chris Rock was hilarious presenting the Best Animated Feature award, which ends up going to Rango. Some Johnny Depp love up in hur.

9:43pm: Undefeated wins Best Documentary. Any uh… any idea what that is? Awww, and first use of the “play these people off” music. Full on lights dimmed and everything.

9:39pm: Has anyone seen my balls? Because they just got blown to pieces by Cirque Du Soleil.

9:34pm: Muppets! Drink twice! Even if Kermit is sounding ehhhh.

9:31pm: I’m down with all these Ellen commercials. Also, just remembered that Jim Rash (Dean Pelton from Community) is nominated for a writing Oscar for The Descendants, and that makes me so excited.

9:28pm: And another one! Hugo with its fourth win tonight, for Sound Mixing… which I totally don’t remember how is different than Sound Editing right now. Also that sentence isn’t good. Also, drink! They said “Scorsese”! (of course)

9:26pm: Hugo picks up its third Oscar, this time for Sound Editing. The recipient just dropped “indefatigable”, also, which is one of the coolest words ever.

9:23pm: And now it’s time for Best Film Editing, the award that gets the least amount of the credit that it deserves. And it goes to Girl With the Dragon Tattoo! Excellent! Loved that movie, and it’s cool that these chaps won two years in a row (winning last year for The Social Network)

9:20pm: Eugene Levy and Fred Willard are exactly the type of people who would be in an Oscars video segment. But this Wizard of Oz focus group segment’s pretty funny. Probably because of them. Also one of the people I’m with thought Fred Willard was Red Forman (or whoever the actor is who plays Red).

9:12pm: Props to Miz Spencer, her performance in The Help definitely deserved the Best Supporting Actress award, no matter how smitten I was with Bérénice Bejo and Jessica Chastain. I’d also say she has the best acceptance speech so far, though Asghar Farhadi’s was heartfelt as well.

9:08pm: Iran just won Best Foreign Picture for A Separation. It’s Hollywood’s way of trying to smooth over this whole nuclear research thing.

8:58pm: The Iron Lady wins Best Make-Up. I’m gonna take that to mean that the Academy thinks Glenn Close already looka like a man.

8:56pm: Just call The Artist the trust-buster. It takes Best Costume Design.

8:49pm: First commercial break, giving my beer hand a rest. All these Hugo wins are really milking that “Scorsese” rule. Also I’ve abandoned making that line between each update.

8:45pm: Wanted Midnight in Paris to win for Production Design for its time traveling set design, but Hugo’s 2/2 now.

8:44pm: Nooo! Pissed that Tree of Life lost the cinematography , even if Gandalf Jesus did a great job with Hugo

8:42pm: Hanks is talking about the old guy that I mistook for Mickey Rooney earlier.

8:36pm: Aw, I felt like that opening segment was pretty weak. Let’s hope Crystal ups his game.

 8:30pm: Oh shit here we go!

8:15pm: But for real. Why are we giving a damn about the clothes these people are wearing?

7:36pm: All right, what’s up? I’ve never done this live-blogging stuff before. But we’re gonna do it tonight. Hoo rah.

For the record, I’ve seen all 9 Best Picture nominees and only a few other movies. I don’t yet have reviews for those nine movies up on this site, but I do have reviews of six of them:

So you can go read what I thought of those movies there. Or just wait for me to talk about them as they come up tonight.

Hope you’ve got your alcoholic drink of choice so that you can participate in the drinking game I created for the show. As you can see, I have mine. As you can also see, I’m dead effing tired. So we’ll see how well my body manages the alcohol as the night progresses.

This JAJ is a tired JAJ.

Just an hour until show time! I’m probably going to avoid the red carpet stuff. Because I really don’t care. Cheers!

Dude, what’s wrong with Angelina Jolie’s arms?! WHERE ARE THE REST OF THEM?!


One response

  1. I too thought red forman looked like fred willard, but turns out the actors name is kurtwood smith.

    July 11, 2012 at 6:31 am

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